I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
