Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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