He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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