you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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