You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
