Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
