if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
