SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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