I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
