I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
