Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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