I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
