At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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