At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
don't judge my taste in strippers
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
