time to smoke my breakfast
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
