Kareoke will never be a sober sport
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
