is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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