Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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