think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
