I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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