Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize