chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
farters have to be the big spoon...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
where are my eyebrows?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
