Will you blow on my dice?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
