omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
