I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
