I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
