hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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