I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
