somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
