Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
