PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you inspire me to be a worse person
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
