Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
