I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
