No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
