Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
