i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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