so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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