porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
