Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
