just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
