If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize