ya dads aren't the best wingmen
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
