I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i think my cat just said my name.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
