How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Randomize
