Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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