New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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