listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
