That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
