Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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