He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it because I queefed?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
