Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The best revenge is premature balding
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
