He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
