Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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