Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
