I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
NoShamevember. You game?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
