There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
