where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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