If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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