why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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