you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
