i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I won the penis lottery.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
