I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
