Will you blow on my dice?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
