I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
