You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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