people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
