We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
