how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
