I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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