the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
