I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
