Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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